farsickness | your heart was glass, i dropped it [open]

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your heart was glass, i dropped it [open]

WHO: Bucky + OPEN
WHEN: June
WHAT: Missing Steve so, you know, going to the inn and pretending to get drunk because he actually can't.
WHERE: The inn.
WARNINGS: TBA

The day Steve disappeared, Bucky felt it. He doesn't know why he felt it or why he'd gotten the inkling but he hadn't been shocked when he couldn't find him in the usual haunts. He gave it two days before calling it, though, searching the woods to see if he'd just gone off camping or something equally stupid, and then he decided the best course of action was to go to the inn and go through the motions of getting drunk.

He can't really get drunk, not with his metabolism, but he can give it a good try and he's doing it now with the ale that the inn sells in pints and quarts. He picks a table where he can see the exit and his back's to the wall, naturally, but otherwise he isn't hiding in shadows like he might have been a few months ago.

He and Steve have been through everything together and maybe it's rich of him to be missing him when Steve has had to go through the pain of thinking he'd died and then would never get his memories back but here he is and there's nothing he can do about that. Here, they had a chance to just be two boys from Brooklyn again, though, and that's something that Captain America and the Winter Soldier would never get in the world they're from.

The barmaid comes by to clear his empties and he says to just keep them coming. It's the principle of it, trying to get drunk, and maybe if he keeps drinking it'll eventually happen. There's gotta be a limit to how much alcohol one body can process, right? His liver isn't going to keep up forever with this and eventually he's going to be able to actually get the drunken stupor he's aiming for.

"Here's to Captain America," he says to no one in particular. The name isn't relevant here, is it?

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"A knight errant, mm? That could be fun to read," Merlan said in a soft voice, her thinking voice. "They probably do count as quests, the ones you do for others." Her eyes fairly sparkled as she glanced up at him, a quiet laugh on her lips.

"If you want them to be quests, then they are. Might make the work more enjoyable. But if they're quests then they must be little ones." She let out a contemplative hum. "Certainly not exciting ones. Perhaps the reward for doing them could be better."

"Well, I think I should be doing more than just changing the horse's feed if I'm getting better rewards," Bucky says, grinning a little. "I mean, you'd really have to put me to work if you want me to get good rewards. Otherwise, I'll get lazy. We don't want that, do we?"

Bucky is mostly teasing, yes, but he likes that this takes his mind off missing Steve.

She loves that grin, even if it's only a little one.

"Lazy?" That makes her laugh. "I don't think that word works for either of us. Though sometimes, I wish I was able to be a little lazy. Just a little. Sometimes. Maybe there's designated lazy days we should try to observe. Ah, wait. Is that not the definition of weekend?"

"I think those are weekends," Bucky says. When he smiles, it touches the corners of his eyes and they crinkle a bit. "But I'm not even sure what our calendar is here so when do we know if it's a weekend?"

Bucky more or less keeps track of the days but it's hard when life goes a lot slower here than back home on Earth.

"You wanna go and start assigning what day is what?"

"It'd be easy to do that, I think," Merlan says with a soft laugh. "Just measure by seven days. We could also see how the locals measure time and days, too. They seem to enjoy their festivals and holidays at certain times of the year. It's also slower-paced than the life we had before, so looking to the locals to set time and pace might be better than making it up on our own."

"We ought to just assimilate," Bucky agrees. "Because it's been a hell of a long time that we've been here, you anyway, and it looks like we're gonna be here for a while."

He squeezes her hand. "And honestly - I wanna stay. I just want this life we have here."

"We should assimilate. It's much easier," she agrees and squeezes his hand back. "Mm, I guess we have been here for a while. I like it here and it's a good, honest life we've built. And we do get to help people. The monsters could be fewer but even they aren't that bad."

She wrinkles her nose.

"Except the bog wights. I wouldn't miss them." She's pretty sure no one would miss the bog wights if they were to suddenly disappear. Merlan's near brush with death after tangling with a few of them was honestly still on her mind. But she'd survived, even if she'd found herself weakened by them for a while.

"I won't miss those either. Next time, don't go tangling with them," Bucky says. There's a little bit of an edge to his voice since he'd damned near lost Merlan over that. He's used to war, yeah, but losing people never gets any easier.

"You gonna let me keep you safe every once in a while? You know I have to do that so I don't lose my mind worrying."

She's more than capable but he's still a man of his time. "Don't go running off in there alone next time. For me?"

"I can't promise I won't end up in a situation with them at some point in the future," she says gently. "It's that nature of the business. But I'll do my best to make sure that sort of thing doesn't happen again. Mind, last time I was ambushed on my way home but I could have been more mindful about the road."

Merlan leans into him a little and nods.

"You do keep me safe. I'm less likely to take the more dangerous jobs, now, though on occasion it feels as if I must take one now and again if the situation justifies it. You're always welcome to come with me no matter where I go or what I'm doing. Even if it's just to market and back."

"Well, I can't really keep you from something you need to do. You've got skills I don't have," Bucky admits. He can't do magic and he hasn't hunted these things like she has. He's good at killing, when he has to be, but he isn't good at killing these things and he thinks he might be a liability in some situations. He kisses the top of her head.

"I'll come with you sometimes just for company but I'm not going to be the kind of man who feels like he has to go everywhere with you. That's an insult to your own independence and capabilities. I'm not like that. You don't need me to help you around because you're a delicate flower."

"Definitely not a delicate flower, even less so now since I'm a bonafide angel," she says with a laugh, leaning into him with a sigh. "I'll do what I can to keep myself the safest I can. That much I can promise."

She pauses for a moment, smiling.

"I do love your company, you know. There's less chance I'll go after the really big ones now than there might have been before you came along. I'm more careful these days."

"Imagine loving my company. I don't think anyone could have said that before now. I'm a whole new man when I'm here."

It's nice, though, to not have a war to fight. It's nice not to think about the next time he'll pick up his weapon and take up a cause and where he's going to sleep at night. The consistency is so good.

"Anyone who doesn't love your company doesn't know you, not really," she said in a soft, quiet voice, shifting lightly against him.

"I don't know if you're new here but I think it's done you good, made things better from what I can tell. Me, too, really. Nothing to fight here if I don't want to do it, nothing to hunt if I don't choose it. It's good and strange all at once. Not something I'm used to having. I keep thinking one day I'll wake up and find it all a dream."

"I keep thinking it'll be a dream. I've got so much blood on my hands, Merlan. I don't deserve to have a life this happy. I do know one thing - I'm not taking it for granted."

He reaches for her hands and squeezes them in both of his, delicate with his metal one against her soft skin.

"I love you and I want to make the most of that."

"Mm," it comes out soft and a little breathless, just a little noise. He's made her happier than she's ever been before, more so each day they spend together just living their lives here near Gazin.

"I love you, too, more than I can find words to express," she says, her eyes caught on his, her fingers curling lightly. "Whatever the most of it means, I'm for it. All of it, for as long as possible."

The wind rose, making the tree branches and bushes sway but it was only a little chilly and she barely noticed it. She was too busy looking up at him, caught in his gaze, knowing full well her cheeks were flushed pink and her eyes bright. All that blood he talked about, that was in the past and wasn't his fault, but here? Here he could be who he wanted to be, who he longed to be. His past couldn't follow him, nor could hers follow her.

"This is our peace and we get to define it," she murmurs.

"Yeah, we kinda do. Maybe this is completely out of line but I want to kiss you right now and that's absolutely interrupting this meaningful and important talk."

Bucky laughs softly, something that comes so much easier these days, and tugs Merlan a little closer to him so he might do just that.

"I'm with you until the end. No matter what that looks like."

"Since when is wanting to kiss me out of line?" It makes her laugh as he pulls her closer and she leans up on tiptoe, humming appreciatively. "And for the record, please interrupt me with kisses any time you feel the need. Even if I'm talking about important things. It's always worth it."

And good. They stand together on that sentiment. She nods a little and leans into him, her lips brushing his, savouring the contact a moment before she really kisses him.

It's like drowning in sunshine, warm and real and right. It always feels right with him, so incredibly familiar, like she was made to fit exactly in the spaces around him, entangled in his life as much as they were (often) in a physical sense.

It feels good to belong to someone. For the first time in seventy years, Bucky feels like he belongs somewhere and with someone and it's good to know that Merlan doesn't care about his past. In moments like these, the world fades away to just a guy and a girl kissing one another like they'll never be able to kiss again.

He slides his hand down to her lower back to press her even closer to him and part of him is selfish enough that he never wants to share her, not even with the people of this town they've started to think of as their friends.

Merlan couldn't help the little sigh that came out between kisses. The way he pressed her closer felt so good that she couldn't quite keep it to herself. Her palms swept over his back and settled on his hips, digging a little into his waistband for purchase. She was delicate in build compared to him and in another moment, she'd hopped up, giving up her hold on his waistband to wrapping her legs around his middle with a bright laugh.

She was where she wanted to be right now, with him. Falling through the cosmos had landed her here and James? James was as messed up as she was and they fit, made the world work right around them somehow. And she wanted him, not just in the physical sense but in a million different ways she probably hadn't thought of yet. He did, very much, belong with her and she felt the absences keenly. It made her wonder what kind of angel she really was that those absences were as terrible as they were. Was it a her thing to an angel thing? Or was the angel thing all her?

In the end, it didn't matter. He was here with her and it worked. They'd built houses and weapons and a life together and that was something she loved. As she kissed him again, she knew her wings were opening to curl themselves around them both, the magic in them shimmering lightly.

"Mm, better," she murmured, teasing him gently before kissing him again. "You do deserve this, you know. All of this. Even if you don't think so, I do." She cupped his cheek gently and peered into his eyes for a long while.

"Considering I'm an angel, that's gotta count for something."

There's nothing better than when Merlan's wings wrap up around him. He feels safe and warm and protected and maybe grown men shouldn't need those things but he does. At least Merlan obliges him and doesn't judge him for it; she simply gives him the affection he craves without treating him like a child.

When she pulls away and tells him that he deserves this, he half believes it. He has trouble believing those sorts of things now after the life he's had but her confidence gives him a little of his own.

"My Guardian Angel, clearly. You got assigned the most annoying duty in all of Heaven and Earth."

"I beg to differ," she hums against his jaw. "I'm finding all of this quite pleasant. In fact, this is probably the nicest I've ever had it. If that's what I really am, I have no reason to complain. I'm exactly where I need to be at exactly the right time."

She kisses the tip of his nose with a soft huff of laughter.

"I've everything I could ever want right now. Especially you."

"Hey, that's pretty funny. I've got you too," Bucky says, giving her a grin. "But seriously, I probably do need someone to look after me. I'm pretty prone to accidents and bad shit coming my way."

Not so much in Gazin but outside of here? Everything he's ever loved has been taken from him and he worries, sometimes, that Merlan will be taken from him too.

"You wanna go riding? I'm still trying to figure it out and I could use a lesson."

"Mm," came a soft murmur. "I can heal and smack down bad shit, so I guess I got that part covered. It should be enough."

She winked at him and let go with a hum.

"Sure, we can go riding," Merlan said with a warm smile. "That'll be nice."

"Probably a good idea for me to get better at it. We can do it after I spend a little more time with you, though. I'm still a little...bruised. It's hard to lose Steve again."

Bucky thinks he's spent more time losing Steve than having him over the last one hundred years.

"I'm always gonna miss him. But the world needs him, you know? I can't imagine a world without Steve Rogers there to save it."

She nodded, brushing her lips against his jawline with a soft hum. Merlan knew losing Bucky would be horrible for her but she never had anything like Steve. Still, she could imagine the depth of loss as being profound. Maybe like losing a whole world.

"There's always going to be a place he's needed," she finally said after a long silence. "I hope he's got himself there and is doing what he needs to do. I wish there was something more I could do for you, though. But I know it'll take time for it to not hurt as much."

Merlan wrapped her arms around his waist and turned her cheek against his chest. She was content to hold him for as long as he wanted, her wings curving around him, warm and bright.

"If you need anything, you let me know. You don't have to do this on your own."

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your heart was glass, i dropped it [open]

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