Everyone has off days. Merlan's been getting the vibes from him for days and when she finds him in the inn, she knows something's wrong, so she pulls up a chair, pitcher of ale in hand, and pours herself a cold glass without saying a word. He looks like he's been here for a long while. ​

Merlan's better than she was a few weeks ago, though there's a little soreness sometimes from her bout with the bog wights, she's better and flying her hadn't been more than a little inconvenience. Her magic isn't something she's messed around with for weeks but she's pretty sure that's alright, too. The wings work, that was what really mattered when she was in a hurry. Finding Bucky had been on the top of her list today when he wasn't where he usually was.

Finally, she leans forward, her eyes searching his.

"How many days has it been?" she asks, her voice just loud enough to cut through the casual chatter and usual drunken bar noise. This isn't usual James Bucky Barnes, not these days, and she knows it. He has his moments but this is different, so it has to be something big. The biggest thing she knew of was the friend she hadn't met yet.

"I came back after being gone. Nothing is impossible," she reminds him gently. "But yeah, it's shit luck he's gone. I wanted to meet him. He sounded like a hell of a friend."

She settles her chin into her hand, drink forgotten as she takes the sight of him in. This was his best friend and he had every right to feel rotten about his absence. She'd never had someone like that in her life, someone she'd known from when she was small. They'd never been encouraged, friends. If she could fix it, somehow, she would have but she's just an angel.

Instead, she pulls her chair next to his and leans her head against his arm. She's here and maybe she's not Steve but she's here.

"I'm so sorry, James," she says, her words just for him, soft and gentle.

"I know," she says. "It never really gets easier over the years. The places people are supposed to be are empty of them and you notice them every day. I wish it did get easier, though, but the edges do get a little less sharp over time." The loss of her parents, her uncle, are less sharp now but the spaces the ought to inhabit were still empty of them. The loss of her universe is still jagged like the loss of her humanity. Sometimes that loss was a yawning abyss she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to cross. It's a different loss than his, but it's still a terrifying struggle when she thinks about it. She tries not to, burying herself in work or in him. Somehow, he makes those edges less sharp. It's not something she thinks she can explain properly, either.

Merlan sighs a little, pressing her cheek against his shoulder.

"It would hit me extraordinarily hard if you were gone. I'm used to the shape of you in my life, James." Her voice was soft and small but rich with emotion. "I'm not sure what I'd do without you, either. I think I'd spend the rest of my life hoping and waiting to see your face again, as maudlin as that might sound."

She knew she would, because even when he woke first, she reached for him in her sleep, throwing an arm out as if to pull him back to her. Merlan knew the sound of him working by ear, the sharp crack of an axe against wood, the sound of metal against anvil and hammer as he worked on his knives, the jingle of a lock as he moved about the forge. He fit. And to think of the absence of him, now was a sorrow she couldn't really face without half-drowning in it.

Her lips thinned as she pressed them together, silent for a long while, trying to ignore the tightness in her chest and the way her eyes brimmed with tears. She blinked and they scattered down her cheeks as she half shook her head.

"That tomorrow," she whispered, her voice cracking, "I hope it's a long, long time away. For once in our lives, we deserve better."

She's silent for a beat, her throat tight.

"Keep me as close as you can," Merlan murmurs in a voice that might still be small but there is a ferocity in it that rings true. "I don't want to have to miss you anymore than is absolutely necessary."

"Mm," it's a soft sound and her eyes close for a moment as he kisses her head. "I think we'd do better elsewhere, too." She loves him and seeing him miserable makes her ache. But what she can do for him, she will. She's not meant to take it all away, but she'll give him what she can and soothe the hurt the best she knows how.

The ale doesn't really help either of them. The only thing they can do that helps is drown their sorrows in each other. She's alright with that, she always is.

"I can manage an awful lot," she murmurs, leaning to kiss his temple. "For you, I'd manage more than that. As long as we're on the same world and even if we aren't, I'm with you, James. Always. I'd even carry you home if you really wanted."

She gently booped him on the tip of his nose and smiled. She wasn't going to leave him alone. It'd take less than a minute to miss him.

Home is better, she agrees her face lighting up at his soft response. She cups his cheek for a moment, searching his face before kissing him gently.

"Love you, too," she murmurs against his lips. It's a firm answer, soft and full of emotion but quiet, just for him. She unwinds herself from him almost reluctantly, stretching a little.

"Gonna walk, run, or ride?" she asks a few moments later.