farsickness | your heart was glass, i dropped it [open]

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your heart was glass, i dropped it [open]

WHO: Bucky + OPEN
WHEN: June
WHAT: Missing Steve so, you know, going to the inn and pretending to get drunk because he actually can't.
WHERE: The inn.
WARNINGS: TBA

The day Steve disappeared, Bucky felt it. He doesn't know why he felt it or why he'd gotten the inkling but he hadn't been shocked when he couldn't find him in the usual haunts. He gave it two days before calling it, though, searching the woods to see if he'd just gone off camping or something equally stupid, and then he decided the best course of action was to go to the inn and go through the motions of getting drunk.

He can't really get drunk, not with his metabolism, but he can give it a good try and he's doing it now with the ale that the inn sells in pints and quarts. He picks a table where he can see the exit and his back's to the wall, naturally, but otherwise he isn't hiding in shadows like he might have been a few months ago.

He and Steve have been through everything together and maybe it's rich of him to be missing him when Steve has had to go through the pain of thinking he'd died and then would never get his memories back but here he is and there's nothing he can do about that. Here, they had a chance to just be two boys from Brooklyn again, though, and that's something that Captain America and the Winter Soldier would never get in the world they're from.

The barmaid comes by to clear his empties and he says to just keep them coming. It's the principle of it, trying to get drunk, and maybe if he keeps drinking it'll eventually happen. There's gotta be a limit to how much alcohol one body can process, right? His liver isn't going to keep up forever with this and eventually he's going to be able to actually get the drunken stupor he's aiming for.

"Here's to Captain America," he says to no one in particular. The name isn't relevant here, is it?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"They've got to be good enough to use. I gotta earn my keep," Bucky teases. He's getting better at getting the weight even on his knives but the balance has to be perfect to throw them; he's been able to use them as handheld weapons but nothing so good to throw so far.

"I'll give it another go this afternoon with you supervising. Banging the hammer will probably get my mind off losing Steve and everything else."

"I'd say you already earn your keep in spades," she says with a soft laugh, then hums gently and nods. "Swinging a hammer always distracted me pretty well when I was in need. It's good, hard work. Feels good, too, once you get into the right rhythm."

She can think of other distractions, too, but working the Forge is always a go-to for her. That and enchanting weapons, making potions, and the general use of magic. But right now, she's fine with their arms around each other as she leans into him.

"Hey now, just because I'm good at sex doesn't mean I'm earning my keep," Bucky teases. "I definitely could do more around here."

He works very hard, honestly, but he can't help but tease Merlan a bit while he has the chance. It helps take his mind off Steve, honestly, so he'll take the laugh even if it's a brief one.

"Mmm, there's that, too," she murmurs, her eyes crinkling as she smiles up at him. "But I suppose there's always something to do when it comes to the care of this place."

He does work hard, she knows it, sometimes too hard but she can't say much on that matter. Merlan works just as hard, too, for good or ill. Her hands wander across his back some and she lets out a soft sigh.

"I have no complaints to lodge," she adds with a gentle laugh. "It all looks good, the crops grow well, and the horses lack for nothing. Which reminds me, we should get you riding again if just to get used to it. The mare is gentle enough for an easy ride. I keep meaning to name her but nothing seems to stick. Maybe that's your next job, mm?"

"Yeah, I should learn how to ride. I just think about being too heavy, you know? Is that a stupid thing to think?"

Bucky thinks it might be. Surely he's not the heaviest person to ever sit a horse but he's mindful of just how dense his body is and how heavy he can be with a hunk of vibranium for a left arm. He guesses a horse wouldn't mind as long as he was gentle with her, though, and he wouldn't be anything but gentle with another living creature. Everything deserves his care and respect.

"We don't really ride horses where I come from and I grew up in the city. I didn't have a chance."

"Not stupid at all, but these are warhorses, trained to carry men and women into battle. You'll be fine on one. She's of a gentler nature but get yourself into a problem that needs fighting and she'll use her talents readily enough," Merlan says, nodding slightly.

"It's good to have back up and a horse that won't just run on you."

"Yeah, I can see that. Since I don't have cars or guns I can use, I better learn how to ride a horse. I just worry about them not liking me because of being the Winter Soldier. I just feel like they could tell, or something."

Maybe it's a stupid concern but it's been sticking in his mind ever since they started discussing riding.

"Animals can tell things about a person that people can't see."

"You'll be fine," she says with a soft smile. "Animals can tell who you really are, not what someone forced you to be."

Merlan inches up to place a gentle kiss against his lips.

"You'll be a natural. All you have to be is yourself as you are here. Don't overthink it too much or you'll wind up spooking yourself."

Riding was something she'd known from mostly when she was growing up but it was like the proverbial bicycle. Motor memory took over and now she rode as well as she used to back on her world. Teaching it to James would be interesting but mostly, she wanted to get him comfortable on the mare. Actual decent riding was just the combination of practise and time, of which they had plenty.

"I made sure she and Thunder were both trained exceptionally well but she's got more patience to her and I think she can actually carry more weight. She's a little stockier than he is."

"Well, if you think she can carry me, I'm game," Bucky says. "I think you're right about animals seeing who you really are, though. It's not as though you can lie to a horse about your personality the way you could a human. They don't see the world the same way."

It's going to be useful, knowing how to ride, and Bucky is more than willing to learn. He'll be better on horseback in the woods than on foot.

"When do you think we can have a lesson?"

"We can have one," she looks at the sky and hms softly, "maybe tomorrow unless you'd like to do it right now and scrap the knife making for another day. The weather's shifting a little, so we might get a little drizzled on."

She leans her head against his chest and smiles.

"Never thought I'd be teaching horseback riding lessons at any point in my life. I guess it was a good thing I decided to learn all those years ago."

"Mmm, it's inside weather, I think," Bucky says. "Remember, I have a metal arm. I might go all tin man on you and rust up." His arm is made of vibranium and that doesn't rust but the joke stands. What is he if he can't joke about his left arm?

"Cup of tea, warm blanket, maybe a book? The one thing about this place is that I haven't read any of the books here because they're not in my world. It's a whole library of things I don't know."

"That sounds wonderful, really. Tea, a blanket, and a book isn't something I've done in ages. Not since I was younger. I used to hole up with a book of tales and read until someone came to find me, though sometimes I'd nap. Back then, the world was as golden as it gets," she murmurs.

And now it was a different type of golden here.

"I could definitely use the tea. What do we have for reading material?"

"There's one about a knight errant I haven't read yet. I honestly think I'm probably a knight errant at this point but it's a little hard to tell. I mean, I do run errands for people. Are those quests?"

Bucky had a great love of literature before becoming the Winter Soldier and it's just nice that he has the downtime to be able to read again. It's nice to have that little bit of normalcy.

"Do you think I do quests for you?"

"A knight errant, mm? That could be fun to read," Merlan said in a soft voice, her thinking voice. "They probably do count as quests, the ones you do for others." Her eyes fairly sparkled as she glanced up at him, a quiet laugh on her lips.

"If you want them to be quests, then they are. Might make the work more enjoyable. But if they're quests then they must be little ones." She let out a contemplative hum. "Certainly not exciting ones. Perhaps the reward for doing them could be better."

"Well, I think I should be doing more than just changing the horse's feed if I'm getting better rewards," Bucky says, grinning a little. "I mean, you'd really have to put me to work if you want me to get good rewards. Otherwise, I'll get lazy. We don't want that, do we?"

Bucky is mostly teasing, yes, but he likes that this takes his mind off missing Steve.

She loves that grin, even if it's only a little one.

"Lazy?" That makes her laugh. "I don't think that word works for either of us. Though sometimes, I wish I was able to be a little lazy. Just a little. Sometimes. Maybe there's designated lazy days we should try to observe. Ah, wait. Is that not the definition of weekend?"

"I think those are weekends," Bucky says. When he smiles, it touches the corners of his eyes and they crinkle a bit. "But I'm not even sure what our calendar is here so when do we know if it's a weekend?"

Bucky more or less keeps track of the days but it's hard when life goes a lot slower here than back home on Earth.

"You wanna go and start assigning what day is what?"

"It'd be easy to do that, I think," Merlan says with a soft laugh. "Just measure by seven days. We could also see how the locals measure time and days, too. They seem to enjoy their festivals and holidays at certain times of the year. It's also slower-paced than the life we had before, so looking to the locals to set time and pace might be better than making it up on our own."

"We ought to just assimilate," Bucky agrees. "Because it's been a hell of a long time that we've been here, you anyway, and it looks like we're gonna be here for a while."

He squeezes her hand. "And honestly - I wanna stay. I just want this life we have here."

"We should assimilate. It's much easier," she agrees and squeezes his hand back. "Mm, I guess we have been here for a while. I like it here and it's a good, honest life we've built. And we do get to help people. The monsters could be fewer but even they aren't that bad."

She wrinkles her nose.

"Except the bog wights. I wouldn't miss them." She's pretty sure no one would miss the bog wights if they were to suddenly disappear. Merlan's near brush with death after tangling with a few of them was honestly still on her mind. But she'd survived, even if she'd found herself weakened by them for a while.

"I won't miss those either. Next time, don't go tangling with them," Bucky says. There's a little bit of an edge to his voice since he'd damned near lost Merlan over that. He's used to war, yeah, but losing people never gets any easier.

"You gonna let me keep you safe every once in a while? You know I have to do that so I don't lose my mind worrying."

She's more than capable but he's still a man of his time. "Don't go running off in there alone next time. For me?"

"I can't promise I won't end up in a situation with them at some point in the future," she says gently. "It's that nature of the business. But I'll do my best to make sure that sort of thing doesn't happen again. Mind, last time I was ambushed on my way home but I could have been more mindful about the road."

Merlan leans into him a little and nods.

"You do keep me safe. I'm less likely to take the more dangerous jobs, now, though on occasion it feels as if I must take one now and again if the situation justifies it. You're always welcome to come with me no matter where I go or what I'm doing. Even if it's just to market and back."

"Well, I can't really keep you from something you need to do. You've got skills I don't have," Bucky admits. He can't do magic and he hasn't hunted these things like she has. He's good at killing, when he has to be, but he isn't good at killing these things and he thinks he might be a liability in some situations. He kisses the top of her head.

"I'll come with you sometimes just for company but I'm not going to be the kind of man who feels like he has to go everywhere with you. That's an insult to your own independence and capabilities. I'm not like that. You don't need me to help you around because you're a delicate flower."

"Definitely not a delicate flower, even less so now since I'm a bonafide angel," she says with a laugh, leaning into him with a sigh. "I'll do what I can to keep myself the safest I can. That much I can promise."

She pauses for a moment, smiling.

"I do love your company, you know. There's less chance I'll go after the really big ones now than there might have been before you came along. I'm more careful these days."

"Imagine loving my company. I don't think anyone could have said that before now. I'm a whole new man when I'm here."

It's nice, though, to not have a war to fight. It's nice not to think about the next time he'll pick up his weapon and take up a cause and where he's going to sleep at night. The consistency is so good.

your heart was glass, i dropped it [open]

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