farsickness | your heart was glass, i dropped it [open]

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your heart was glass, i dropped it [open]

WHO: Bucky + OPEN
WHEN: June
WHAT: Missing Steve so, you know, going to the inn and pretending to get drunk because he actually can't.
WHERE: The inn.
WARNINGS: TBA

The day Steve disappeared, Bucky felt it. He doesn't know why he felt it or why he'd gotten the inkling but he hadn't been shocked when he couldn't find him in the usual haunts. He gave it two days before calling it, though, searching the woods to see if he'd just gone off camping or something equally stupid, and then he decided the best course of action was to go to the inn and go through the motions of getting drunk.

He can't really get drunk, not with his metabolism, but he can give it a good try and he's doing it now with the ale that the inn sells in pints and quarts. He picks a table where he can see the exit and his back's to the wall, naturally, but otherwise he isn't hiding in shadows like he might have been a few months ago.

He and Steve have been through everything together and maybe it's rich of him to be missing him when Steve has had to go through the pain of thinking he'd died and then would never get his memories back but here he is and there's nothing he can do about that. Here, they had a chance to just be two boys from Brooklyn again, though, and that's something that Captain America and the Winter Soldier would never get in the world they're from.

The barmaid comes by to clear his empties and he says to just keep them coming. It's the principle of it, trying to get drunk, and maybe if he keeps drinking it'll eventually happen. There's gotta be a limit to how much alcohol one body can process, right? His liver isn't going to keep up forever with this and eventually he's going to be able to actually get the drunken stupor he's aiming for.

"Here's to Captain America," he says to no one in particular. The name isn't relevant here, is it?

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"Well, let's go home. Might as well get out of here and stop taking up space just being depressed."

If he's gonna be depressed, he'd rather do it back in his own house with his own girl there to patch up his broken heart. He kisses her lightly in response to the nose boop.

"Love you."

Home is better, she agrees her face lighting up at his soft response. She cups his cheek for a moment, searching his face before kissing him gently.

"Love you, too," she murmurs against his lips. It's a firm answer, soft and full of emotion but quiet, just for him. She unwinds herself from him almost reluctantly, stretching a little.

"Gonna walk, run, or ride?" she asks a few moments later.

"Walk, I think. We can at least admire the beautiful things about this place while we make our way back."

It's a decent walk back to the Forge and their house and it's nice weather today. Bucky thinks it'll lighten his spirits a little to take a walk in the warm sun with Merlan. He reaches for her hand.

"Come with me?"

"Always," she murmurs the word light on her tongue. If he'd asked her to pack her bags and roam with him, she'd have said the same. Where he goes, she does. Her fingers are petite, curling around his hand to hold it.

She'd flown just to fly, earlier, so the walk is accepted, her hand in his. And it is a nice day, just the sun and a light breeze and the trees that will shade them, and they don't really have anywhere to be. Their timetable is their own. There isn't much save getting merchandise out when needed and the only things she spends any real money on are the horses, honey, and the flour for pancakes — if those last two could be considered a luxury. There's enough money to go around that life is easy enough that their time isn't set to a daily grind.

Magic helped an awful lot, though. She lifts her head to the wind and smiles, leaning into him a little just for the contact as they walk.

It's so simple, walking hand in hand, but it feels right in a way that a lot of things don't. He feels normal with Merlan, like he wasn't the Winter Soldier for years, and when they actually reach the Forge and their house, he stops and turns a bit, offering his arms to her.

"Let me hold you for a moment? I just need to have you close so I can make sure you're in the here and now and you're not an elaborate dream."

She wraps her arms around him without hesitation, burying herself against him, her cheek against his chest. Merlan needs it, too, that revelation that this isn't some dream.

He's as real as she is. Sometimes, sometimes she has moments where she's not sure it is real. They come less and less made so by James' presence, she thinks. All of this is theirs. The clearing, the Forge. Everything they do, now, it's theirs.

"I'm here," she murmurs. "No dream, just me." Her wings curve around them, too, protectively, shimmering gently.

Her wings folding around him make him feel more grounded and solid than he has since he discovered Steve was gone. It's such a simple thing, to be held, but he'd gone so long without it that every touch from Merlan feels like a gift.

"Well, I hope you don't ever leave me. If you do, I'm coming with you."

"I hope I don't leave either," she murmurs. "I honestly don't think I can bear a life without you in it. So, we'll go together, whenever, wherever."

Her lips curve in a smile as she looks up at him.

"I'd never leave you behind."

"Good. I've been left behind a lot. Not by choice, I'm not saying Steve wanted to leave, but it definitely isn't the first time I've been separated from who I love."

Bucky kisses her forehead. "You want to watch me try to make knives again and give me pointers?"

She knows she'd never leave him behind by choice but this world had a habit of wresting people from their places more often than not. Merlan would fight it if she could. She was supposed to be a celestial being right now, surely she could. Her fingers came up to stroke his cheeks gently and she closed her eyes for a moment.

"Mmm," she murmurs, "I can do that. They are getting better."

"They've got to be good enough to use. I gotta earn my keep," Bucky teases. He's getting better at getting the weight even on his knives but the balance has to be perfect to throw them; he's been able to use them as handheld weapons but nothing so good to throw so far.

"I'll give it another go this afternoon with you supervising. Banging the hammer will probably get my mind off losing Steve and everything else."

"I'd say you already earn your keep in spades," she says with a soft laugh, then hums gently and nods. "Swinging a hammer always distracted me pretty well when I was in need. It's good, hard work. Feels good, too, once you get into the right rhythm."

She can think of other distractions, too, but working the Forge is always a go-to for her. That and enchanting weapons, making potions, and the general use of magic. But right now, she's fine with their arms around each other as she leans into him.

"Hey now, just because I'm good at sex doesn't mean I'm earning my keep," Bucky teases. "I definitely could do more around here."

He works very hard, honestly, but he can't help but tease Merlan a bit while he has the chance. It helps take his mind off Steve, honestly, so he'll take the laugh even if it's a brief one.

"Mmm, there's that, too," she murmurs, her eyes crinkling as she smiles up at him. "But I suppose there's always something to do when it comes to the care of this place."

He does work hard, she knows it, sometimes too hard but she can't say much on that matter. Merlan works just as hard, too, for good or ill. Her hands wander across his back some and she lets out a soft sigh.

"I have no complaints to lodge," she adds with a gentle laugh. "It all looks good, the crops grow well, and the horses lack for nothing. Which reminds me, we should get you riding again if just to get used to it. The mare is gentle enough for an easy ride. I keep meaning to name her but nothing seems to stick. Maybe that's your next job, mm?"

"Yeah, I should learn how to ride. I just think about being too heavy, you know? Is that a stupid thing to think?"

Bucky thinks it might be. Surely he's not the heaviest person to ever sit a horse but he's mindful of just how dense his body is and how heavy he can be with a hunk of vibranium for a left arm. He guesses a horse wouldn't mind as long as he was gentle with her, though, and he wouldn't be anything but gentle with another living creature. Everything deserves his care and respect.

"We don't really ride horses where I come from and I grew up in the city. I didn't have a chance."

"Not stupid at all, but these are warhorses, trained to carry men and women into battle. You'll be fine on one. She's of a gentler nature but get yourself into a problem that needs fighting and she'll use her talents readily enough," Merlan says, nodding slightly.

"It's good to have back up and a horse that won't just run on you."

"Yeah, I can see that. Since I don't have cars or guns I can use, I better learn how to ride a horse. I just worry about them not liking me because of being the Winter Soldier. I just feel like they could tell, or something."

Maybe it's a stupid concern but it's been sticking in his mind ever since they started discussing riding.

"Animals can tell things about a person that people can't see."

"You'll be fine," she says with a soft smile. "Animals can tell who you really are, not what someone forced you to be."

Merlan inches up to place a gentle kiss against his lips.

"You'll be a natural. All you have to be is yourself as you are here. Don't overthink it too much or you'll wind up spooking yourself."

Riding was something she'd known from mostly when she was growing up but it was like the proverbial bicycle. Motor memory took over and now she rode as well as she used to back on her world. Teaching it to James would be interesting but mostly, she wanted to get him comfortable on the mare. Actual decent riding was just the combination of practise and time, of which they had plenty.

"I made sure she and Thunder were both trained exceptionally well but she's got more patience to her and I think she can actually carry more weight. She's a little stockier than he is."

"Well, if you think she can carry me, I'm game," Bucky says. "I think you're right about animals seeing who you really are, though. It's not as though you can lie to a horse about your personality the way you could a human. They don't see the world the same way."

It's going to be useful, knowing how to ride, and Bucky is more than willing to learn. He'll be better on horseback in the woods than on foot.

"When do you think we can have a lesson?"

"We can have one," she looks at the sky and hms softly, "maybe tomorrow unless you'd like to do it right now and scrap the knife making for another day. The weather's shifting a little, so we might get a little drizzled on."

She leans her head against his chest and smiles.

"Never thought I'd be teaching horseback riding lessons at any point in my life. I guess it was a good thing I decided to learn all those years ago."

"Mmm, it's inside weather, I think," Bucky says. "Remember, I have a metal arm. I might go all tin man on you and rust up." His arm is made of vibranium and that doesn't rust but the joke stands. What is he if he can't joke about his left arm?

"Cup of tea, warm blanket, maybe a book? The one thing about this place is that I haven't read any of the books here because they're not in my world. It's a whole library of things I don't know."

"That sounds wonderful, really. Tea, a blanket, and a book isn't something I've done in ages. Not since I was younger. I used to hole up with a book of tales and read until someone came to find me, though sometimes I'd nap. Back then, the world was as golden as it gets," she murmurs.

And now it was a different type of golden here.

"I could definitely use the tea. What do we have for reading material?"

"There's one about a knight errant I haven't read yet. I honestly think I'm probably a knight errant at this point but it's a little hard to tell. I mean, I do run errands for people. Are those quests?"

Bucky had a great love of literature before becoming the Winter Soldier and it's just nice that he has the downtime to be able to read again. It's nice to have that little bit of normalcy.

"Do you think I do quests for you?"

"A knight errant, mm? That could be fun to read," Merlan said in a soft voice, her thinking voice. "They probably do count as quests, the ones you do for others." Her eyes fairly sparkled as she glanced up at him, a quiet laugh on her lips.

"If you want them to be quests, then they are. Might make the work more enjoyable. But if they're quests then they must be little ones." She let out a contemplative hum. "Certainly not exciting ones. Perhaps the reward for doing them could be better."

"Well, I think I should be doing more than just changing the horse's feed if I'm getting better rewards," Bucky says, grinning a little. "I mean, you'd really have to put me to work if you want me to get good rewards. Otherwise, I'll get lazy. We don't want that, do we?"

Bucky is mostly teasing, yes, but he likes that this takes his mind off missing Steve.

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